I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
