FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
