apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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