Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
