you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize