I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
