One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
