I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
