Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
