When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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