he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
