I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
