If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
