My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
