So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
