I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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