Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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