he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
