I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
