omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
