And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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