it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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