I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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