i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
