My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
