oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
