I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
