You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
