Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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