New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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