Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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