Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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