Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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