Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize