my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So here I am, sexting at work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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