they need to just BURY HIM!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
