She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
