Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my shit smells like andre
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Randomize
