Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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