how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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