Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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