Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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