Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
