I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
