You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The air was thick with penises
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
