Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
