you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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