i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
