I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
love makes seman taste better
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
