Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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