Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so let's talk penis.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
