So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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