Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
