I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
