Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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