Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize