i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
