Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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