I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i would punch a child for taco bell
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
