My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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