i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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