xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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