Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
