On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
