Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
