WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
