this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
