If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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