dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
