I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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