i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
